Hey*Nomeenah*!

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story, I know it's not easy to tell strangers your shortcomings. I assume you wanted my advice on this subject and I would be happy to assist you. Homeschooling is indeed a very grueling task, more so I assume, when your children have already attended public school. My advice to all new homeschoolers straight from public school is to take a year off to learn how to be a family living full time together. Your children need a break from the rigidity of structured school and you, mom, need to learn to silence the desire to make your homeschool...school at home. The beauty of homeschool is that it is tailored specifically to your own children, how they learn best, and you need time to learn them. You cannot be afraid of them not achieving according to the school standard, unless that is what your family desires, then in that case, if you are unable to provide that, then homeschool might not work best for your family. In my case, we wanted our daughter to have a biblical education most of all and school cannot provide that. We also were not not concerned at all about having report cards and strict tests, as the state of Mississippi has zero requirements, so I saw no need to build that into my homeschool plan. 

My second thing is that being with your children all day is the perfect place to grow in wisdom as a believer. You have lots of time to model a walk in the Lord. They will see you struggle, they will see you repent and submit yourself back to the commands of God and they will benefit from seeing how a Christian life changes their own mother. You have anger, impatience and fear and God will use your everyday life to cut away those things that displease Him, if you allow Him to have control of your entire being. Reading the bible with them and sharing your insights will strengthen their knowledge of the Holy, it will teach you how to walk alongside your children in compassion and it will help inform your own mind of the ways of the Lord. You CANNOT be perfect in order to bring them back home, bringing them back home and living a Christian life without hypocrisy in front of them may become the way God perfects you and lead the children to salvation. 

There is no 'getting right' with God either. You cannot 'get' right, you can become transformed by the renewing of your mind but that is a continuous process, which can happen WHILE your children are home with you. 

Your past abuses have to be laid at the Father's feet and left there. You cannot act like the world and wear your victimhood as a label. This is carnal behavior and not fitting for women of God. God knew we would struggle with our past sins and so graciously put in His Word in Hebrews 13 "and the marriage bed is to be undefiled" and in 1 Corinthians 7 "stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer..." It is not biblical to 'heal' from abuses, that is the world's words. We have to take thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ, refusing to let them dominate us and make our marriage bed FEEL defiled. It is not defiled. Our past is not our present and has no bearing upon your relationship with your husband. These thoughts are warping your mind and you HAVE to master them. You are identifying more with your circumstances than with your identity in Christ and you have to let that stuff go. I would even go as far as to say you probably blame everything on your 'trauma' which is also a worldly phrase. 

Watch this video of mine:  https://youtu.be/-wc_qNbaDIc  it's about BROKEN WOMEN who continue to identify with their brokenness. 

I am sad to hear your story and struggles but I hope you will free yourself from the bondage some people love to keep themselves in and instead, walk in the newness of life made possible for the believer by Christ's finished work on the cross for us who believe in Him for salvation.

Your servant in Christ,

Jacqueline