Man looks on the outside-that's the problem

By Jacqueline, the Unimportant Homemaker

We all know it’s true:
People care a whole lot about how things look.
Even if we say we don’t… we do.

We like beautiful packaging, polished presentations, smooth words, well-dressed leaders, and platforms with professional lighting. We’ll visit a church based on how the building feels, how the pastor dresses, or whether they’re “big enough” to be seen on TV or online. It’s embarrassing to admit, but somewhere in us, it feels a little good to say, “Oh yes, Pastor So-and-So is my pastor. You know, the one with the book deal.”

But this isn't just about church attendance. It’s about a way of thinking that quietly shapes how we make decisions—and how we judge people.

So the question for us as Christian women, especially young wives, is this:

Are we being shaped by what God values, or by what people admire?

No, You’re Not Crazy for Seeing What You See

Let me be clear about one thing right up front:

I’m not one of those people who blindly repeat, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.”

That’s worldly wisdom pretending to be virtuous. Because of course you should observe what’s visible. God gave you eyes, discernment, and instincts for a reason.

You lock your car door when someone shady walks too close—not because you're hateful, but because you're not a fool.

You make judgments all day long: which grocery store to trust, which doctor to see, which babysitter to hire. You don't throw out caution just to look noble. That’s not biblical. That’s called self-preservation.

And truthfully, the Bible doesn’t say, “Don’t judge.” It says, “

²⁴ Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.” (John 7:24). There’s a difference.

So don’t let the virtue signalers pressure you into moral confusion just because you notice what’s plain as day.

BUT…

There’s a deeper danger here. And it’s this:

While noticing the outward is natural, elevating the outward is carnal.

What Do We Actually Value?

What causes you to respect someone?
What draws your loyalty?
What makes you feel like someone is "worth following"?

Is it their looks? Their eloquence? Their social media following? Their spouse? Their style? Their stage presence?

Let’s not pretend this kind of thinking hasn’t crept into the church. It has. And sadly, it shows up in the hearts of young wives too.

We start comparing husbands—how ours looks, what he wears, how “sharp” or “driven” he is. Maybe he doesn’t lead a Bible study, run a business, have a title at church, or stand up and pray out loud like some other man does. And before we know it, we’re disappointed. Not because our husband isn’t faithful—but because he isn’t impressive.

Shame on us. God doesn’t measure men that way. Why should we?

God Sees the Heart—Do We?

In 1 Samuel 16:7, when Samuel was looking to anoint Israel’s next king, he saw Eliab, who looked the part—tall, strong, kingly. But God said:

“⁷ But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”

Young wife, stop evaluating your husband based on what the world claps for.
Stop feeling embarrassed that he’s quiet or unpolished or not “platform material.”
God doesn’t need him to be flashy. He needs him to be faithful.

And He needs you to see it.

The Danger of Unity Without Truth

Now back to church for a moment.

Some will say, “Well, it’s all about unity! Let’s just all come together. It doesn’t matter how it looks or sounds or feels—we just need to be unified.”

But unity apart from truth is not a virtue.

Remember the Tower of Babel? The people were completely united—but in rebellion. Their unity didn’t please God; it provoked Him. Why? Because they were building something impressive and godless. Together.

“ And the Lord said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.’”
—Genesis 11:6

Unity doesn’t impress God. Obedience does.

So don’t join a ministry because it’s big, pretty, or popular. Join because it’s faithful. Don’t cling to a friendship because it looks good in photos. Cling to people who fear the Lord.

And don’t elevate a church—or a leader—because they’re marketable. Elevate those who are holy.

A Word to the Wife Who Feels Insecure

Let’s bring it home.

You may be tempted to feel ashamed of your home, your husband, your simplicity. Maybe your man doesn’t have a booming voice or wear tailored suits. Maybe your life isn’t aesthetically pleasing or post-worthy.

But if your man fears the Lord…
If he works with his hands…
If he repents quickly, leads humbly, and serves you with quiet consistency…

You are rich, friend.

Don’t exchange that for a counterfeit version of “Christian success” based on style and surface.

And don’t let man’s shallow values plant bitterness in your heart.

Final Words

Man does look at the outward appearance. That’s true.
But you don’t have to live like man.

You have His Spirit. You have access to wisdom the world can’t comprehend.

So ask God to give you His eyes.
To see what He sees.
To value what He values.
And to love what He loves.

- Jacqueline, the Unimportant Homemaker