See to it, Wife

There’s a troubling pattern that too many Christian wives fall into—maybe you’ve seen it, maybe you’ve lived it:

They spend their energy not loving their husbands, not building up their homes, not quietly growing in godliness, but watching.
Watching him sin. Watching for failure. Watching for ways to hold him accountable—not in the biblical, humble, prayerful sense, but in the gotcha kind of way.

“He messed up again.”
“He didn’t notice what I did.”
“He snapped at me, and now I’m going to keep a tally.”
“He can forget about affection tonight.”

This isn’t discernment.
This isn’t wisdom.
This is spiritual scorekeeping.

And it’s a trap of the enemy.

Sin-Watching Is Not Righteousness

Some wives become so fixated on making sure their husbands don’t win that they can’t rest unless he’s been properly punished for his offenses.

They rehearse his flaws, repeat his failures in their mind, and start to take subtle revenge: withholding affection, coldness in conversation, passive-aggressive comments, and even weaponizing intimacy.

Let’s be honest: this isn’t godly.
It’s not accountability.
It’s vengeance dressed up in self-righteousness.

“Love… keeps no record of wrongs.”
—1 Corinthians 13:5

You can’t withhold obedience to God just because your husband failed to live up to your expectations.

That’s not how marriage works in the kingdom of God.

The Command Is Clear: “See to It That You Honor Him”

Scripture says something so straightforward it almost stings:

“...and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”
—Ephesians 5:33

Not:
— If he’s kind.
— If he helps with the kids.
— If he’s spiritually mature.
— If he leads just right.
— If he makes you feel loved and seen and understood.

No, it says see to it.

You.
See to it.
Make sure it happens.
Ensure it. Obey it. Carry it out.

Not because he deserves it, but because God commanded it.

But What If He’s in Sin?

What if your husband really is in sin?
What if he’s selfish, moody, cold, harsh, spiritually stagnant, or just plain hard to live with?

Then your job, dear wife, is the same: see to it that you honor him.

Not affirm his sin.
Not excuse his behavior.
But honor him as your husband, and obey your God.

Because the Word of God isn’t suspended by your suffering. It’s proven in it.

“For it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God.”
—1 Peter 2:19

God sees. God knows. God judges justly.

And your quiet, faithful obedience speaks far more than your pointed reminders of how he’s failed you.

Withholding Love and Affection Is Not Righteous Anger

Let’s be real: many wives use their bodies as bargaining chips.

Affection becomes transactional.
Physical intimacy becomes a tool of manipulation.
Respect becomes conditional.

But none of that lines up with the Word.

It’s not wrong to be hurt. It’s not wrong to express that hurt. But it is wrong to punish your husband through coldness, silence, or selfishness—and then call it boundaries or justice.

“Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time…”
—1 Corinthians 7:5

 If you're waiting for him to “earn it,” then you’re not operating in the Spirit of Christ, but in the flesh.

Obedience Is Never Wasted

Obedience to God is not a waste, even when it feels unnoticed.
You don’t honor your husband because it works. You don’t submit because he’s good.
You don’t love because you’re rewarded. You do it because your life belongs to Christ.

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.”
—Colossians 3:23

If your husband has something against you—real or imagined—that’s his to take to the Lord.

You are not responsible for how he sins. You are responsible for how you obey.

Final Words

Wife, the road of obedience is narrow. And sometimes it feels lonely.

You may wonder why you have to be the first to forgive, the first to humble yourself, the first to break the tension. You may feel invisible. You may ache with unmet needs. But Christ sees. And He knows.

He made Himself nothing. He took on the form of a servant. He submitted Himself to death—even death on a cross. (Philippians 2:7–8)

Your submission is not to your husband’s mood or merit.

It’s to your King.

So do it for Christ.
Do it because He is worthy.

Do it knowing that every act of obedience is storing up eternal treasure.
And one day, you will see that none of it was in vain.

- By Jacqueline, the Unimportant Homemaker