Does My Husband's Flesh Rule My Life?

When Submission Feels Like Surrendering to Sin

Let’s talk about something hard—something most women don’t feel free to say out loud.

"Am I really supposed to submit to my husband’s every whim, even when I know he’s walking in the flesh?"

Some women reading this are married to godly men, faithful and Christlike. But others... not so much.

Some are married to unbelievers.

Some are married to men who profess Christ but walk in habitual selfishness, anger, laziness, or lust.

Some are simply married to weak or immature men—men who want the benefits of a good wife without the weight of godly leadership.

And many wives in this position are silently asking:

Where does my responsibility as a Christian wife end? Is there a limit to biblical submission?

Let’s walk through this carefully, biblically, and with compassion.

1. You Are Not Your Husband’s Puppet

Nowhere in Scripture are you commanded to be malleable to sin. Submission is not permission for your husband to indulge his flesh at your expense.

Biblical submission is voluntary yieldedness, not mindless compliance. And it is always in the context of your first allegiance to Christ.

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”
—Ephesians 5:22

You are to submit to your husband as part of your worship to God—not as a replacement for God.

If your husband asks or pressures you to sin—whether with your words, body, convictions, or conscience—you must not comply. Most husbands don't do this but it is important to be aware. 

2. You’re Not Crazy for Noticing the Flesh

You aren’t being unloving for recognizing that your husband is walking in the flesh. Galatians 5 makes it very clear what the works of the flesh look like:

“...outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissensions... envy, drunkenness...”
—Galatians 5:19–21

If your husband is routinely unkind, manipulative, punishing, cold, lazy in spiritual matters, or resistant to God’s Word—it’s okay to call that what it is: the flesh.

What you must not do, however, is respond in your flesh just because he’s walking in his, returning evil for evil.

You don’t need to "resist" him in rebellion—but neither do you have to accommodate his carnality. The challenge of the godly wife is to live in wisdom: firm in faith, soft in heart.

You are not called to be his handler. You’re called to be a light. A gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4) does not mean you have no boundaries—it means you are anchored in peace as you walk with God.

3. Your Calling Doesn’t Depend on His Approval

This part is crucial.

"Should I resist him when he tries to get me to quit trying to become an obedient wife?"

Yes. Kindly. Respectfully. Quietly. But absolutely—yes.

Your sanctification is not contingent upon your husband's approval. If you are growing in obedience to God, even if it’s slow, even if you stumble—you keep going. God is pleased with that.

When a husband mocks his wife’s desire to become more like Christ, he is opposing the very work of God in her soul.

He says, “You had a blow-up yesterday—just stop trying.”

God says, “A righteous man falls seven times and rises again.” (Proverbs 24:16)

Your husband’s conditional love—based on performance or perfection—is not the measure of your worth or spiritual progress.

Jesus never gives up on the woman who is pressing forward.

4. Boundaries Are Not Bitterness

Too often Christian wives are made to feel that any boundary is rebellion. But boundaries that protect your walk with Christ are wise stewardship, not sinful resistance.

A boundary can sound like:

• “I’m not comfortable watching that with you.”

• “I’m not going to speak disrespectfully"

• “I need to be in God’s Word tonight”

• “I’m not going to stop growing just because you don’t see it yet"

These aren’t ultimatums or threats. They’re quiet, faithful markers that you are first God’s daughter—walking in the Spirit, not under emotional control.

If your husband gets upset when you quietly hold to your convictions, that doesn’t make you a disobedient wife.

That makes you a faithful woman.

5. God Sees Your Effort Even When Your Husband Doesn’t

It’s a deep grief to feel unseen by the man whose opinion means the most. To have your efforts toward godliness dismissed because of one blow-up. To have your repentance overlooked. To have your faithfulness questioned because you’re not changing “fast enough.”

But your heavenly Father sees.

He saw you repent.

He saw you pray.

He saw you shut your mouth in that argument.

He saw you lay down your desires to serve again.

And He is not unjust to forget your labor of love (Hebrews 6:10).

Your husband is not the final judge of your obedience—God is.

Sister, You're Not Alone

You’re not the only woman struggling to walk uprightly in a home where your growth in Christ is misunderstood.

You’re not the only wife who feels like she’s living with a man who wants her to stop trying so hard.

You’re not the only woman whose zeal for God is being challenged by the very man she’s trying to honor.

Don’t give up.

Don’t let his flesh discourage your faith.

Don’t let his words outweigh God’s Word.

Keep pressing on. Quietly. Steadily. Prayerfully. Obediently.

And remember: your responsibility does have a limit. You are not bound to obey his flesh—you are bound to obey the Lord.

Let your life be ruled by Christ—not by the whims of man.

- Jacqueline, the Unimportant Homemaker